10 Things I Hate About Sporks
by Pendragon
Summary: This is NOT a list, just random insanity spun into a story-type format. Sage has been captured by Talpa, but to save him, the other guys have to escape Best Buy first. It'll make sense if you read it, orrrrr maybe not... *Chap. 3 UP*
1. Sporks or Foons???

**Disclaimer: **The usual, I don't own RW or Best Buy but I do believe I own everything else. **'10 Things I Hate About Sporks' or 'Dear god, what are you smoking?'**

* * *

Tick… Tick… Tick… Ticktickticktickticktick- 

"Dammit, Kento, this is chess not dominoes!"

"Well, excuse me Rowen!  It's not like I know what I'm supposed to be doing!!"

"If you paid attention maybe you'd know!!!"

"But this is boring!!"

"You're the one who wanted to know how to play!!!"

"No, I didn't, you just decided to teach me because you had nothing better to do!!"

"Yes, you did!"

"No, I didn't!!"

"Yes, you did!!!"

"No, I didn't!!!!"

"Yes-"

"Would you two be quiet already?!  I'd really like to know what this house is like when it's quiet!!" Cye hollered from the kitchen.

In the living room Rowen silently stuck his tongue out at Kento in achievement of getting the last word in.  Kento seethed and was only moments away from hitting him when Mia wandered into the room.

"Uh, hi, Mia." He greeted, wearing a cheesy grin he always had when he'd done something wrong and knew he was about to get caught for it. "Did you, uh, happen to feel anything itchy or, eh, slimy when you got dressed today?  Eh, heh."

That grin also meant he'd done something wrong that he'd get one hell of a laugh out of as well.

"No, why?"

"You might need these, then." He said as he dropped a flyswatter and a can of bug spray into Mia's possession before disappearing in a cloud of Kento-shaped smoke.

Mia stared at them for a moment before she pulled off a similar disappearing act as she ran for the bathroom, rushing by Sage who was sitting at the dining room table on her way.

"Women.  Always changing their clothes." He stated simply into his mug as he continued reading the newspaper though his hair had been whipped back by Mia's passing.

"AFTER I'M DONE WITH HIM, YOU'RE NEXT!!!!!!" She declared dangerously.

Silence reigned for a short moment, much to Cye's open relief, until it was broken by the sound of the front door opening and slamming shut.  Ryo appeared shortly after in the kitchen bearing an armful of groceries.  He looked extremely annoyed and it was revealed that Yuli, whom he _had_ to drag along, had not stopped talking for one moment during the entire trip into town.

He was at this point in time still babbling his little fool head off and Ryo was desperately looking for something, _anything_, to shut him up.

"Yuli, do you ever go home?" He asked as he deposited his burden on the kitchen table for Cye to look over.

"AndthenhesaidthatIshouldleavehimalonebecauseIwasbugginghimandIaskedwhyandhesaidthatIneededtogetalifeandIaskedwhyandheshovedmeoutthedoorandtoldmetogohomejustlikeyoudidthereandIaskedhimwhyIshouldgohomeandheignoredmesoIsaidIdidnthavetotakethisandleftIguesshedidntliketotalktomebutIdontknowwhyIthoughtIwasafunpersontotalktobecauseIdonttalkmuchbutItriedtoaskhimandallhesaidwasfu-"

Yuli actually _paused_ for a breath just as Ryo was convinced that he could indeed function without breathing and drowning him was out of the question.

"Ryo," Cye interrupted their 'conversation.' "Did you even look at the list I gave you?"

"Hmm, yeah, why?"

"Well, I wrote down eggs, milk, and bread, and all I got were sporks, sporks, and sporks."

"What?" Ryo looked through what he'd brought home and, indeed, every single bag was filled to the brim with sporks.  They had to have somewhere near a thousand sporks in their possession now.

"Ryo, dude, I knew you had some problems but I never thought you had a spork fetish." Kento appeared from nowhere with Rowen and Sage behind him.

"It's not a FETISH!!!!!"

"What do you call this, then?" He said holding up one of the fork-shaped/spoon-shaped utensils.

Yuli, who'd never been exposed to sporks before, immediately grabbed the utensil from Kento's grasp and began staring at it intently.

Cye didn't notice this. "Well, we're going to have to go back out and pick up the stuff you forget, Ryo."

Kento attempted to take the spork back but Yuli turned on him growling savagely, though it sounded more like he was gargling, and holding the utensil protectively in both hands.

"What about the sporks?" Ryo asked. "Guess we'll have to take 'em back or something."

Kento drew back, scared, and raised his hands in the air to show he meant no harm towards Yuli.

Footsteps sounded near the stairway and Kento abruptly panicked, knowing Mia had come to wreak her vengeance upon him.

"Okay, guys, we gotta go!!!" He grabbed everyone be the arm (and just for this occasion he sprouted two extra arms) and dragged them out the door towards the jeep.

* * *

_I am not an idiot.  I am not an idiot._  Ryo thought as he found himself and the others in the midst of Best Buy to which Kento had somehow convinced them to go.

The teen in question was browsing a rack that held video cameras one could try out and test before purchase.  Kento, however, had absolutely no intention of doing this.

"Hey, babe." He said from behind a small camcorder where he was 'recording' a nearby woman's breasts.

A resounding slap echoed across the Western Hemisphere.

Ryo sighed and wandered away with the others, leaving Kento's unconscious body sprawled across aisle 5.

The next stop was the DVD section (of Doom™).

It was here that Yuli appeared out of nowhere (a plothole) and walked by staring intently at the spork held firmly in both hands. "Yes, Master." He whispered, unblinking.

The four Ronins gave him an odd look and promptly returned to their leafing through of the Digital Video Discs.

On opposite sides of the displays, Rowen and Cye scanned the titles.  Never one to miss an opportunity to annoy someone in a new and interesting way, Rowen lightly tosses a DVD over the display to hit Cye squarely in the head with a video of 'The Crawling Hand.'

Irritated, Cye grabbed a DVD from off his side of the rack and promptly threw 'Monty Python's Flying Circus' at Rowen's skull.

This continued even as a man dressed like he came straight off a historical documentary walked onto the screen. "And so began the great DVD wars of the 21st century.  These fights lasted until-" The man was promptly knocked unconscious by a flying 'Tae-bo' DVD.

Cye dodged a UFD (Unidentified Flying DVD), grabbed the first thing that came to hand and threw a 'Spy Hard' video in retaliation.

Rowen ducked and the DVD sailed overhead to hit a person standing conveniently behind him.  He turned around to apologize and came face-to-face with the Biker Gang from Hell™-

INTERMISSION ~corny music begins~

Scene cuts to multiple _large, _walking snack treats as they begin dancing around and singing: "Let's all go to the Lobby, let's all go to the Lobby, let's all go to the Lobby, and have ourselves a snack."

Kento appears from nowhere, tackles a giant snack cake, and has to be beaten back with a 2 by four.

~With the strangled whine, the corny music ends~

-Everyone took off running as the hulk of a man in tight fitting leather pounded a meaty fist the size of a pumpkin in his other hand.  His gang quickly engaged in pursuit of the fleeing teens.

It was looking totally, absolutely, completely, wholly, entirely, utterly hopeless until Ryo and gang stumbled upon the Computer section (of Confusion™).  The labyrinthine passageways and aisles allowed them to lose their pursuers just as quickly as they lost themselves.  They regrouped in an aisle deep within the bowels of Best Buy's largest electronics section.

Taking attendance, Ryo asked: "Where's Sage?"

The others shrugged, showing no great concern for their friend's disappearance or, in Kento's case, not even paying attention.

* * *

In a dark closet far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, *nudges record player* far away from Best Buy, in place not even located in the same zip code or dimension, Sage Date looked around and wondered where he was.

"Welcome, Halo." Greeted an all-too-familiar voice as candles ignited themselves all around the room.

"Talpa," Sage addressed the twice-thwarted would-be ruler of the world with a malice not dulled by time. "What do you want?"

"Not much, this time."

Sage prepared to defend himself.

"No, not that.  I just wanted to, eh…play a board game…"

Sage was stunned. "Well, uh," he said smartly, scratching the back of his head. "I, uh, guess I could play for a while, then"

* * *

"Ooooooh, I'm starving!!"

"That's the forty-two thousand seven hundred and sixty-third time you've made us aware of that, Kento."

"Well, I am!"

Cye let out an exasperated sigh; they'd been wandering lost through the Computer section (of Confusion™) for…well, it could have been days, they didn't know.  All they knew was that Kento was annoying the crap out of them with his complaining.

As luck would have it, turning yet another corner they came upon a tribe of pygmies roasting their latest kill, a sound card, over a fire they'd created in the middle of the aisle.  Rowen took this all in and, calmly, turned around and tried to sneak away.  He should've paid more attention to his horoscope when it said, 'You will meet a tribe of pygmies today.' But noooooo, he had to laugh it off and ignore it.  But before he could escape, Kento snagged him by the shirt and thrust him out in front, electing him to be the one to greet the, uh, 'natives' since he was the smartest.

But before any words could be said, the pygmies took one look at Rowen's blue hair and promptly declared him a god with a great amount of fuss and babbling.

Of course, none of our heroes had a clue about what the pygmies were saying.  All together, they sounded like a group of bears trying to collectively gag up a hairball.  It was a strange species of bear they imitated, it lived far north at the bottom of the sea and looked suspiciously like a Larch tree with a pumpkin on top wrapped in saran wrap.

Scared, they back up, fall through a plothole, and disappear.

Yuli appeared again, still staring intently at the spork held in front of him. "Yes, Master."

In light of the loss of their previous god, the pygmies adopt Yuli as one instead and proceed to follow him around the rest of the story.

"Yassh, Mestarr." They attempt to repeat.

* * *

Lights come up and we see a TV studio arranged almost exactly, but not quite, like the set for 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.'

"Welcome back to 'Who Wants to Win Something?! ™' Here we have our latest contestant." Regis Funbin motions to Ryo who is squirming around in his chair trying to get a good look around and wondering where he was and, more importantly, where the audience was. "On to the next question on 'Who Wants to Win Something?! ™':

Besides Howie, Kevin, Brian, and A.J., who is the fifth Backstreet Boy?

A. Richard Nixon

B. Tinky Winky

C. Thor, god of thunder

D. A pubic hair

Take your time."

Ryo really didn't know what to make of this one though he thought it might be the pubic hair.

"Can I call someone?"

"Sure," Regis Funbin said. "Who'd you like to call?"

"I think Kento'd know the most about this."

"Okay, we'll get him on the phone, then."

_Ring…_

_Ring…_

"Hello?"

"Kento?"

"Hey, Ryo, man, you have to get us out of here.  They have us trapped in these little rooms with only a phone in 'em.  And there's absolutely no food!!!"

At this point there could be heard yelling in the background and the sound of a door opening.

"Hey!  Get your hands off of me!!!  Hey!  Hey!!  Yeah, I meant it when I told you to go **** yourself!  What're you doing?!?  Hey!!  Put me down!!!!"

There was the sound of a door closing and then silence.

"That was your one and only live-line."

"Ummmm," Ryo scratched his head. "I think I'll choose…uh…E. A jar of almonds."

"Is that your ultimate answer?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, but…you're right!!!"

"What did I win?"

Funbin motioned towards a large yellow curtain behind him that had the word 'Something' printed in large letters on it along with an even bigger question mark.  The curtain was pulled away to reveal a stool with a pair of shoes set regally atop it.

"A shiny, new pair of dingo boots!!"

* * *

For those of you wondering about White Blaze…

White Blaze is lying on his back in the middle of a lush jungle surrounded by female tigers and many serving women who are feeding him strips of raw meat.  He doesn't know why or how he got here, he just knows it beats following Ryo around all the time.

* * *

And meanwhile, back at Talpa's place…

"-And Cale, jeez, that guy couldn't do anything right.  Do you have any threes?"

"I know, don't even get me started on Cale.  Go fish."

* * *

Reunited, at last…

"So, like, what do we do now?"

"I don't know, maybe we should go find Sage."

"Sounds good to me."

Everyone agreed with Cye's plan and set about it, it's not like they had anything more important to do-

* * *

*Squeak, squeak* AHHHHHHH!!!! *Running footsteps* *Squeak, squeak* OH MY GOD, NO-! *Thump*

  The author has just been run down by lemmings.


	2. More plotholes than Swiss cheese...

This chapter isn't as wild as the other, possibly because of the intrusion of the plot, but it had to happen some time. Chapter 2 of  '10 Things I Hate About Sporks' continued by Author Stand-in #1 'And Now For Something Completely Different…' or 'The Chapter of 91 Goats' 

Goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat milkball goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat goat…

"How does this thing work again?"

"Well," Cye flipped a page in the manual he was reading. "You flip that switch there and pull the one cord here and then turn around and shake it all about."

Seven eyebrows were raised at that last statement which was quite a feat for only three people.

"Hey," He complained, "I didn't write this thing."

Kento shrugged and proceeded to start up their brand-spanking new, patented Sage-detector™ while trying to skip the last part of the instructions.  To his dismay, he found it refused to start up unless he, indeed, turned around and shook it all about.

It started up with a sound like a thousand people just suddenly said 'whop' and the teens looked around in confusion, the parking lot of Best Buy seemed to be an absurd place to bring so many people just to say one word.

Once on, the detector immediately started to detect something Sage-like in nature at a nearby supermarket. The teens rushed over to the shop and allowed the Sage-detector™ to guide them to aisle 9.83762843209483½ where they encountered cooking utensils, cake mixes, spices, and beaver repellant.  On the shelves laden with spice containers there was a bottle labeled 'Sage.'

"Oh my god!!  They ground Sage into a fine powder and started distributing him for commercial sale!!!" Cye panicked.

"That's not Sage!"

"But it says right here-!"

"It's not the Sage we're looking for!!"

"Oh, okay."

The Sage-detector™ suddenly began registering something completely different and the boys returned outside with a newly purchased bottle of beaver repellant (just for the heck of it) and were soon on the case.

"This is getting us nowhere." Ryo commented from where he was seated on a barstool.  So far their search had turned up 127 different bottles of the spice Sage, 23 Sagebrush plants, and one really irate Sage grouse.  Irate possibly because Kento attempted to use the beaver repellant on it, which didn't work as planned.  Now, instead of a normal bird, they were being chased by a purple, orange-spotted, 20-foot tall chicken-looking thing with an attitude just as large.  The Foozlebub Bar was the only place it refused to chase them into and the reason for that was becoming more and more apparent as time went on.

All in all, the Ronins weren't inclined to leave anytime soon.  Besides, it was raining cats and dogs outside, literally.  They'd had to rescue Rowen from beneath a Saint Bernard and a Pekinese on the way here.

"I'm a cheeseburger in paradise!!!!" Yelled someone on the other side of the bar.

The door opened and Yuli, faithful spork accompanying him, marched in followed closely by a tribe of pygmies, a shower curtain, two dead fish, a pack of very hungry-looking wolves, the word 'Tock,' someone from Connecticut, and a small, black cat.  As he was walking by Kento stuck his foot out and tripped the procession and soon a tribe of pygmies, a shower curtain, two dead fish, a pack of very hungry-looking wolves, the word 'Tock,' and a person from Connecticut were all dog piled on top of Yuli.  It'd take him a while to get out of that one.

The black cat alone had escaped that fate and was now engaged in a staring contest with Kento over his sandwich.

"Bartender," Ryo asked hopefully.  The bartender turned away from the drive-through window he was attending to take Ryo's order. "I'll take one more."

The storm was picking up outside from the sound of the angry hisses and squalls from the cats that were battering the window.

Suddenly the bar lurched sideways and everyone went spilling out of his or her seat as the building was lifted into the air by a tornado that appeared out of a plothole that the SPCP (Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Plotholes) assured would not produce any tornadoes; A waterspout now and then, yes, but never a tornado.  B***s***.

The Ronins ran to the window and looked out to see a very disgruntled cow fly past the window. "Help me!  For the love of god, help me!!!!" It pleaded as it soared by.

The teens just looked at each other and turned back to the window to see what else the tornado had picked up.  There was a 20-foot tall, purple Sage grouse with orange spots, a BBC broadcaster still sitting at his desk, someone's entire Milli Vanilli collection, a door-to-door salesman, and the Sphinx.

So, with nothing else to do, everyone sat down to a game of Poker, at which Frank the Carpenter was winning before the Foozlebub Bar fell from the sky and everybody was knocked unconscious.

Meanwhile, (yet again…)

"The hair came with the armor, did you know that?"

"No, I didn't." Sage admitted, staring intently at the Candyland board in front of him.

*Squeak, squeak* _Uh, oh…_

"Uhh, did anyone get the number on that camel that hit me?" Kento asked, waking up.

Cye sat up. "Hey, where's everybody else?"  The Ronins were the only ones currently occupying the bar.

"Beats me, at least I won't have to pay that Frank-guy for what I lost at Poker."

The four teens walked outside by walking and found themselves on the set of Jeopardy.

Alex Trebec was just announcing the categories as they were entering. "Okay, the topics are 'Leave Nothing Untweaked,' 'Enndocannibalism-'"

"Hey, this smells fishy, we already did the game show bit."

"Zoiks, you're right."

Rowen was suddenly smashed beneath a large Great Dane that fell from the sky.

"Let's solve this mystery and find out who this guy really is!"

Alex Trebec is promptly tackled by the boys who then proceed to remove –93487534 layers of masks only to find he is really a blood-sucking vampire with a shrunken head from the planet Kentucky.  

"Oooooookay," Kento rolled his eyes. "I hear something cash-register shaped."

The sound was actually the Sage-detector™ (reappearing out of an AWOL plothole) sporting the word 'Sage' in blinking lights and a cartoon hand pointing in an east-west direction.

So, drawing up a plothole with a felt-tip pen (that appeared out of the same hole the Sage-detector™ came from), the Ronins jumped through it and hoped that they ended up wherever the Sage-detector™ was pointing.

Back in Talpa's closet…

Sage and Talpa are in the middle of an anti-gravity Twister game with an unusually large Clydesdale with green splotches when a dimensional rift opened in the middle of the room and the other four Ronins fell, screaming, out of it.  How that happened with no gravity is just one of the 12 mysteries of the universe.

"Where have you guys been?" Sage questioned.

"Looking for you, what else?" Rowen replied.

"We also found Atlantis, the Sphinx's nose, a 20-foot tall purple Sage grouse with orange spots, and the planet Rupert but none of those mattered." Ryo pointed out.

Just as that was said, a freak wormhole appeared in the fabric of the space-time continuum and transported the entire Milli Vanilli collection from before to a galaxy far, far away.  The inhabitants, eager to figure out what these strange disks were, quickly cooked up the technology to play them and promptly died laughing at them.  Most of the population of that small galaxy was killed; please choose your CDs with greater care.

As the others were talking and a small galaxy was being destroyed, Kento was wandering over to a switch on the wall and (just because it was there) he flipped it.  The gravity in the room was turned back on and Rowen just had to have the terrible luck of standing beneath the Clydesdale when that happened.

There was a strangled scream as the large horse descended but it was promptly silenced when someone yelled "CRUNCH." 

"Say," Talpa began. "You aren't thinking of rescuing Halo, are you?"

"No, of course no-LOOK AT THAT!!!!!!" Ryo cried.

"What?!" Talpa looked frantically in the direction Ryo was pointing.

The Ronins grabbed Sage, turned tail, and ran but were forced to return when they realized they'd left Rowen crushed beneath the unusually large Clydesdale with green splotches.

"I don't see anything, what am I looking at??" Talpa turned back to the room to see Ryo, Rowen, Cye, and Kento had fled. "Ha!  They were intimidated by my power!!"

He turned back to the Twister board. "I knew you were no ordinary mortal, Halo, but I never thought you were actually… a cat."

It took Talpa 20 minutes to realize that Sage had been replaced by a little, black cat.

Meanwhile, to escape the Dynasty, the Ronins were reduced to throwing cheese at the pursuing soldiers.  It worked remarkably well, but how a tin can could have a penchant for cheese is just another one of the 3 mysteries of the universe.

But as plothole luck would have it, a massive toilet paper explosion turned everyone in the story into everyday household appliances. (Just another of the 64,686 mysteries of the universe)

Ryo, the umbrella, flooped (something only an umbrella can do) over to Kento, who was a can opener, and attempted to ask him what just happened only to realize that umbrellas don't have mouths.  That sucked. In fact, everything about being an umbrella sucked.  Well, except for the fact that since he was an umbrella, Yuli had to be a hat rack and thus couldn't complain.  It was a sigh of relief for that, but umbrellas couldn't sigh.

Around him were scattered many other various kitchen and non-kitchen appliances.  There were a lot of pushpins, which Ryo assumed to be the Dynasty soldiers, and the incredibly large, big, great, huge, enormous, vast, gigantic pincushion behind them to be the Dynasty itself.

Odd.

Besides him and the can opener (Kento), there was also a pumpkin (Sage), a stuffed bear (Cye), and a very disgruntled-looking second hand on a digital clock (Rowen).

Ryo thought, _oh, cr-_

*SACK*

Author Stand-in #1 has just been sacked by the SPCP.

Notes:

      Goats used with permission from the Goat King.  The milkball was an extra.

      'Enndocannibalism' courtesy of Miss Basil.

      'I hear something cash-register shaped.' Supplied by Takui/Kurai.


	3. Is there even a plot for the plotholes t...

Chapter 3 of '10 Things I Hate About Sporks' continued by Author Stand-in #2.  By decree of the SCPC, I can no longer use plotholes in this fanfic or else I will get sacked.

'Cheese Biscuit' or 'The Revenge of Starbucks' 

The Dynasty.

Now, a pincushion…

Nothing odd there.

Scattered about the Dynasty are various objects including an umbrella (Ryo), the second hand of a digital clock (Rowen), a pumpkin (Sage), a teddy bear (Cye), a can-opener (Kento), a lot of pushpins (Dynasty soldiers), and many pieces of cheddar jack cheese whom we believe to be no one in particular.

Suddenly, a small, surprisingly fat fairy with surprisingly small wings™, appears from a plotho-

*Is glared at by the SPCP*

Umm, did I say plothole?  I meant… uhh… err… erk… a large… hole-shaped… thing… that… *sighs* to hell with it – a plothole-!

*Sack*

And the fairy looked around and there was much rejoicing.  She looked upon Yuli the hat rack who just appeared *Sack* and there was much rejoicing.  She pointed her magic wand at him and turned him into a real boy and there was much cricket chirping.

"Hey, I'm real again!  Can you turn my friends back into people too?" Yuli asked the surprisingly fat fairy with surprisingly small wings™ hovering in front of him.

"No, I can't.  Because of Starbucks I can only turn one household item into a person every full moon."

"But, why would Starbucks keep you from turning my friends back into themselves?"

Author Stand-in #4 runs onscreen. "Don't ask that question!  You want me to get sacked?!"

"What's 'sacked'?" Yuli asked but was ignored.

"Why can't you change the others?"

"Starbucks has spread so far that it took over all government jobs and, hence, the government so they make the laws.  No one noticed, really." The fairy responded.

"Well, I don't care what you do, just don't use anymore plotholes!"

"You mean, like this?" The surprisingly fat fairy with surprisingly small wings™ waved her wand and the group Kiss appeared out of a plothole.

"Yes!  Don't do that!!"

But it was too late, the SPCP runs by, chasing Author Stand-in #4 off the screen.

"AAAAAHHHhhhhaaaaaaa…"

…

*Sack*

The fairy dusts off her hands, looking much too pleased with herself and turns back to Yuli. "You can go to my brother, Alkfoai, in the mountains.  He should be able to change them back.  Meanwhile, I can grant your friends the ability to speak with you but with you only."

The surprisingly fat fairy with surprisingly small wings™ waved her wand and then disappeared.  Yuli was very pleased with the outcome; no one talked to him before this.

"Okay, so where do we go now?"

Ryo the umbrella could feel a headache forming despite the obvious handicap of not having a head. "The mountains are west of here, Ashleigh – I mean, Yuli."

Yuli gathered Ryo, Rowen, Sage, Cye, and Kento and dropped them into a nearby wagon that was just there. *Sack*

-Cut to commercials-

Buy the Flail-O-Matic™!  A $40 value for only $39.95!! (Not including shipping & handling)

This is an offer you can't refuse!  It's a once in a lifetime opportunity.  You positively can't pass this up!!

Call within the next 28 seconds and we'll add in a lifetime's supply of beaver repellant! (Warning: Do not attempt to use on any species of animal (especially grouses), plant, or furniture)

Just call 1-800-I-WAS-JUST-SCREWED

"Kids! Breakfast time!!"

"YAY!!"

Squalli'O's, part of this complete breakfast. (Real breakfast does not include toast, orange juice, milk, or eggs) (Breakfast cereal does not actually dance)

You are under the control of Starbucks…

You will obey our orders…

Starbucks is your ruler…

You will drink Starbucks coffee and enjoy it…

You are under the control of Starbucks…

You will obey our orders…

Starbucks is your ruler…

You will drink Starbucks coffee and enjoy it…

-Cut back to '10 Things I Hate About Sporks'-

Yuli is seen walking, dragging the wagon behind him, and singing the 'Happy' song.

"Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy-"

"Could you please shut up, Erin – I mean, Yuli." Rowen pleaded.

"Happy Happy Happy Happy…"

Rowen sighed and actually tried to crawl out of the wagon, unfortunately for him, second hands on digital clocks can't crawl.  Poor Rowen.

"Happy Happy Happy Happy…"

A group of rabid Halloween Trick-or-treaters appeared suddenly *Sack*, grabbed Sage and commenced to give the poor, helpless pumpkin a lobotomy and set his insides aflame.

"Ahhhhh!  Help, Amanda – I mean, Yuli!!"

"Happy Happy Happy Happy…"

Sage quickly realized he'd receive no help from Yuli.

Then, through nine separate plotholes *Sack* *Sack* *Sack* *Sack* *Sack* *Sack*

*Sack* *Sack* *Sack* (Author Stand-in #s 7 through 15 have just been sacked) appeared Ryo, Seiji, Shin, Shuu, Touma, Jun, Byakuen, and White Blaze.

White Blaze looked around, realized this was the last place he wanted to be, and jumped back through another plothole *Sack* trying to find his way back to the jungle.

The SPCP glares at Author Stand-in #17.

"This can't go on any longer.  This fanfic is officially over!  Arrest them!!"

Mall security appears, handcuffs Author Stand-in #s 17 – 763, shoves them into 763 different cars and drives off.

Pendragon appears just as they leave. "Phew, those lemmings'll never think of looking for me here." Sees there are no more Author Stand-ins. "This can't be good…"

*Squeak, squeak* "Damn!" *Runs*

'10 Things I Hate About Sporks' continued by Author Stand-in Chimp #1.

*Is glared at by PETA*

Aww, man…

'10 Things I Hate About Sporks' continued by Bigfoot with a Belt sander.

Rrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…

Rrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…

Oooookay…

'10 Things I Hate About Sporks' continued by some guy.

"RrrrrrooooOOOWWWWwwwwrrrr-" *hack hack* Byakuen promptly coughs up Ryo's boxers.

Ryo blushes, snatches the red garment with white hearts, and runs.

No, that won't work either…

'10 Things I Hate About Sporks' continued by Frank the Wonder Donkey.

….

…

..

.

?

Frank is prodded by a large cartoon hand labeled 'Mr. Pokey.'

Frank remains motionless.

*Sighs* Well, what do I do now?

'10 Things I Hate About Sporks' continued by Mr. Pokey.

Unfortunately, Mr. Pokey is incapable of typing.

Sixth time's a charm…

'10 Things I Hate About Sporks' continued by the discarded change from the couch.

"Hey, cool!" Shuu grabs the change and runs off to go buy food with it.

You see the picture of a person beating their head against a computer.

'TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES (we'll return in a moment)'


End file.
